I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
