I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
