Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
