It's just like the Real World with babies
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
