At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
