This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
