I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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