We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
