I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
