Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
