Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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