I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
