Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
