he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
