my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
