If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
