oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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