I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
