did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
