At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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