i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
