And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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