My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
