i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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