New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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