Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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