SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
