apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
