so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
