Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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