I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
