Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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