I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
