don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
