Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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