We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
