my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
