Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
