His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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