i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
