I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
