Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
