Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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