I CAN MOONWALK!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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