I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
