You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
