Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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