I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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