she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone says I win the strip club
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
