there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
