Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
