4 words: hood of his car
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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