I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
