your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
