i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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