I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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